Celibacy Journey Update

2 years ago, I set the boundary that I wouldn't have sex with someone until we had established a committed relationship. That ultimately resulted in a year and a half of celibacy, which was ended by a brief relationship I had earlier this year.

I am now counting into my second period of celibacy. Here's what I'm observing today:

When romance enters and exits my life, I feel more of it. In truth, I've noticed that I feel more of everything. Celibacy doesn't just make you more sensitive intimately, it makes you more emotionally sensitive too. Abstaining has meant surrendering to every emotion that comes up in that liminal space before relationship— and those again when that connection fades out.

I learned that having an orgasm within an experience that isn't being held in love and devotion, causes me to feel empty after, (regardless if there's penetration).

I learned that people have misconstrued sacred sexuality as some kind of fetishized spiritual practice.

For those who don't know: Sacred sexuality is a lot more than a bedroom activity. It is an entire, highly-evolved, spiritual path that requires love, devotion and discipline.

Celibacy is the same reverence turned inwards. It requires self-love, self-devotion and self-discipline. This is why it is the strongest foundation for sacred sexual practice— and why it is now a hard pre-requisite for any of my future partners to have undergone.

Celibacy has forced me to choose myself over and over again.

It has forced me to be present with myself, even when it's challenging.

It's not about any kind of religious repression— I'm not religious. On the contrary, my sexuality is expressive and potent as part of my radiant being.

It's about choosing myself through the muck and the ambiguity all the way through and into clarity— and yes, sometimes clarity hurts too.