When ‘Healthy Communication’ Becomes a Weapon

He said, "I feel judged. I feel misheard. My story is that you're holding your past experiences with men against me."

And so, I softened. I self-examined. And I invited his narrative into my own with clarifying questions.

That's when the manipulation took foot.

These past few months have been a whirlwind, but as of today, I've become aware of something very important: "Healthy" communication can still be used to gaslight someone out of their intuition.

I wasn't judging him— I was reading him. I wasn't projecting— I was picking up on the layers behind his words.

But still, I yielded under the question, "Is this my intuition telling me something isn't right, or is it just my fear of getting hurt again?"

The truth is, there 𝘸𝘢𝘴 fear— but not of closeness. It was fear of separation. An age-old abandonment fear that quieted my inner knowing and called it grace.

Distrust is rigid after all. It's a sign of a wounded person, right? I didn't want to let my past traumas with men cause me to distrust the masculine forever. And I thought, 'Maybe this is the opportunity to heal that.'

It wasn't. At least, not exactly.

Because it turns out, the man in front of me wasn't the masculine I needed to trust, 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯. The grounded, logical side of my inner guidance system.

No communication structure or strategy is meant to supersede the communication that happens within you.

Now, I know very well that the message isn't always clear. That's how mistakes happen. But that's okay too.

Because the path is not about getting things right. It's about the relationship that you cultivate between you and yourself while you're figuring everything out.

For anyone who's been through a similar experience, know that shame does far more to your body than any violation against it ever could. Do not give life to shame. Don't call the experience "a lesson", if that doesn't feel good. (For me it doesn't)

What I went through, I'm seeing it as a wrung on a ladder as I climb into every aspect of my sovereignty.