Growing Pains in Spiritual Dating

Spiritual dating has been a whole new terrain—full of lessons, tests, and ego traps. Here’s a story about the most recent time I fell into one:

I briefly dated a man who checked almost every box. But some of my deepest values—sacred sexuality, inner union, and devotion—were not cultivated aspects of his spiritual path.

I felt confused, torn between two anxieties. One where I let him go and lose a gift. Another where I play it out and erode my standards.

In hindsight, my confusion was all the clarity I needed. My body was dysregulated. My ego, meanwhile, was scrambling for a narrative to make sense of things—in my head.

Then I heard something along the lines of:

"A divine woman does not teach her partner. They either rise to meet her or they don’t, in response to her embodiment."

I believe this points to a sound awareness— that feminine energy is transmutational through being, rather than doing.

But what I understood was:

'My frequency can harmonize the discord in our values. And while I’m not his teacher, I can be his energetic compass.'

In other words, I shifted the labor of discernment onto steadfastness.

Perhaps you’ve heard a version of this in polarity dating: "The masculine leads materially. The feminine leads spiritually."

From where I'm at now, I would add two caveats:

1. No one leads anyone anywhere they aren’t already headed.

2. Feminine energy is not a rehab for misalignment.

I’ve seen people change in relationships—but only when they are chosen as they are, not for what they might learn or integrate.

And sometimes, the most embodied thing a feminine can do

is choose herself.