Love Addiction and Shadow Work

There is a lot of upheaval in the collective right now — a lot of looking at the “darkness” out there.

I just released a YouTube video that I've been working on for a while. To be honest, I doubted whether the subject even matters right now, given the scale of what's being exposed.

Then I reasoned that it's highly relevant to speak about the internal shadow when the world is focused on the external one.

So, this is my story of love addiction, numbness, and the process of reclaiming myself.

Over the last few years, I’ve been unraveling my sexual shadow.

What happens when being objectified, commodified, or fetishized is what some part of us wants?

Not in a conscious, kinky way.
In an unconscious way — the kind that invites experiences that don’t actually feel good.

For me, it validated something.

The parts of us carrying wounded narratives still want to be met in resonance.

Because they are witnessed there.

Those who gained from my shame also came closer to it than anyone ever did.

Whenever I was consumed, I was held first.

To be useful was to have purpose.
To be used was to have meaning.

Yes, it hurt. That’s the point.

To her — when it hurts, everything is as it should be.
If only that contentment would last.
If only she didn’t need to be shown again and again that she was wanted.

Eventually, enough is enough.
Eventually, I stopped handing over my darkness and went inward to meet her myself.

And something changed.

When you descend into your own underworld, you strip away layers.
By the time you meet her, she’s no longer who she thought she was.

Because you aren’t either.

It’s one thing to be validated.
It’s another thing to be remembered.