Reclaiming Jealousy

I don’t weaponize my jealousy against other women.
But I don't keep it from my partner to seem unbothered either.
And I don't pathologize it in myself or others to seem "conscious."

Last April, I was in a relationship that almost ended before it even started.
This man insisted that, as a condition of his "freedom," he would regularly go on foreign vacations with a female friend, and that I would be intentionally excluded.

My face got hot.
My gut tightened.
And every other part of my body agreed when I said "F**k you will."

It was a drawn-out contention that we threw every tool at.

He saw my ego as something to be managed with "trust" and working on my insecurity.

I saw his need for absolute autonomy and external validation as coming from something he didn't get in childhood. Meanwhile, MY need for safety and a definitive container as coming from something presently breaching the relationship—a motivation far less embedded in the ego than his past wounds.

That specific issue faded into the background until we broke up four months later. The reason?
He was a chronic cheater and lied about it.

But that's actually beside the point.

The undeniable connection between my jealousy and my intuition has me considering the deeper design of a woman's body and how it operates:

What if jealousy is just as sacred as any of our other emotions?

And, hear me out:
What if the patriarchy conspired to vilify our jealousy because—much like an angry woman—a jealous woman is disruptive and inconvenient?

Biologically speaking, every human emotion is tied to survival. Jealousy is a signal to an emotional or material depletion coming from an outside source.

The woman who pridefully claims she never gets jealous may simply be a woman who has chosen complacency over truth.

Meanwhile, a man can easily turn these kinds of women into his emotional battery pack.
Their cultivated "lack of jealousy" is instrumental in his consolidation of power, ego inflation, and entitlement.

Just like anger can be unhealthy, toxic, or destructive, so can jealousy.
I recognize that.
But notice the discrepancy: We now have rage rooms, sacred rage workshops, and circles where women's anger is shared, processed, honored, and only released if it no longer serves.

Do we need a sacred space for jealousy? Somewhere it can be witnessed, honored and, sometimes, listened to?

Because even when it's not being provoked by an actual cheater, persistent jealousy can indicate that a partner is placing their personal preference over the felt-safety of the relationship as a whole.

That's more than a power imbalance—it's a power take-over.

As far as emotions go, I find jealousy exists in the realm of the dark.
But within the darkness, there is always deep wisdom.

Mine tells me never to turn off my alarm system just to let a man sleep in peace.